Natalie Rants about the Poor, the Rich, and iPods

First, read this: If you don’t understand poverty than you are a Sociopath – The Guardian

Did you? Good. Now you know where this is coming from.

I don’t have an issue with what is trying to be conveyed, but it is conveyed in such a one sided way. It is true, to eat healthy sometimes is hard if you cant afford it. McDonald’s is cheaper than organic veggie burgers, and we have all had our retail therapy moments. But to stereotype anyone who asks “why” as being rich, well off, and a sociopath only shows how ignorant this writer is. Sometimes you just have to be mature about your spending, and plenty of poor people will agree to that.

Make the right choices

If you’re choosing an expensive pair of sunglasses over rent money, food money, medical bills, I have every right to judge you. Its a poor decision, and no presumed societal pressures excuses you from making a bad choice. You can’t blame society on your lack of forethought. I have gone without a cell phone for an extended amount of time, I don’t currently own a car, I choose not to buy a PS4 yet as I don’t feel the need to waste that much money. Guess what? I am fine. I am not missing out on anything and I am happy. Putting such importance in material possessions is what gets people into this type of bind. What does owning a new cell phone prove? That you fit in? Who are you trying to impress?

Can’t one impress others through their actions and decisions, rather than the shallowness of owning a new handbag?

Society tells us we need these things, and some people fall into that trap. Entire advertising campaigns are devoted to showing you how awesome you are for owning the new thing and how lame you are to have last year’s thing. Why do you think a new iPod comes out every minute? They want your money, and want you to live the lie they spread to keep you coming for more. Some people fall for it. ALOT of people fall for it. I have fallen for it. We are conditioned to fall for it.

My issue with this type of behavior is when it becomes chronic. A consistent decision to blow all the cash on the newest thing. Like an addiction, if it begins to impact your normal life in a negative way, it has to be a problem.

Now, there is nothing wrong with spending a little money here and there on yourself. We can’t tip to the other side of the scale and become a miser. For a long time I felt guilty for spending money on me. My situation conditioned me to reject buying for myself, and its something I continue to work on. But you have to make the right decisions when you’re stuck in poverty. I know plenty of people on both sides of this scale. The ones who usually get out of their shitty situation are the ones who find that balance between miserly and a spend addict.

If you want the new thing and it won’t put you in a hole for getting it? Spend away! Why not! YOLO! And don’t feel guilty about it, either. Enjoy it, be happy you achieved enough in your life to be able to enjoy it without any repercussion.

But if you’re the sort that has to say “either, or”, puts ludicrous amounts of money on a credit card to buy that thing, or purchases something knowing full well you won’t be able to sufficiently pay off the bill for it, you have to re-evaluate your decision making. If you’re choosing Gucci over the baby’s formula, you need to re-evaluate yourself.

Anyways, back to the point.

The issue I have with this article is the assumption that anyone who has an issue with this type of behavior is rich and on the right side. As if there has never been a single person who has made it out of the hole of poverty, or that digging yourself out of that hole automatically makes you incapable of criticizing others on their decisions.

And what about this? Perhaps that richy rich guy securing his European summer home has also seen poverty in his life. Does being poor at one point give permission to judge others? Not necessarily. However, this person has had that experience, had lived it, and found a way out. They know it is possible to escape. Their experience is what is important, what makes their opinion valid. This doesn’t address every other person who may criticize the poor man’s decision making skills, but its important to consider these other people. They may know better than anyone else what its like to be at the bottom.

Fitting people into pre-existing pigeon-holes does a disservice to the individual. Every person on this planet has experienced life in a differing way than others. Every single person is an individual with their own observations and philosophies about the world around them. Painting the rich guy as a criticizing snob or the poor guy as the lazy bum is improper. It creates a narrative of good guy vs. bad guy, which makes for an interesting story, but in the real world places incorrect labels upon people. We are all different.

Here is where I give unasked for advice

As to those who find themselves clamoring for the newest clothing or tech gadget, some questions: Why do you want that so bad? Is it filling a void in your life, or do you just want to impress other people? If its for showing off, why do you care so much about others opinions of you? If its to fill a void, what is it that is upsetting you that much than you need things to fill the void up with?

Whats important is the inner you, not what you hang on the outside. If you are happy with who you are and confident in the type of person you strive to be, all the extra stuff in your world shouldn’t matter. Its more important to make sure those who rely on you and those who care about you are happy and safe, not whether or not you fit in with the cool kids. Things, objects, do not define the type of person you are. It doesn’t identify you truly with one sort of group or another. You can cover yourself up in as many expensive things as you want, but if you feel sour and negative inside, no amount of money is going to fix that. You can’t buy a better personality. You can’t hide your own perceived inadequacies behind a gem encrusted mask. You need to figure out why you feel that way, and try to correct it. If it is your own poverty that has you upset, the best thing to do would be to try and use the money spent on the disguise to pull yourself out of the hole.

Try and look into your own life for things that truly give you joy other than the newest thing. You can be happy without spending money. Sometimes its the laughs you share with someone else, or the times you spend with people you care about. At the end of life, the objects you accumulate will be bartered off, sold, and forgotten. People will remember you for the memories you created with them. That will be your legacy, not the Gucci handbag.

Ugh, I am so preachy.

about “Wizardgate”, and a game about Depression

This whole “Zoe Quinn” thing.

My opinion is this: She’s a hypocrite, and thats why its making such an uproar on the internet. It has nothing, absolutely nothing with the act of cheating. No, I am being ridiculous: In a way it sort of does.

What ultimately makes it all so angering is that the very ideals this woman sets upon a pedestal is also the same things she is throwing against a wall, smashing it and her perception of purity along with it.

First, a history: Who is Zoe Quinn and why am I typing about something no one else seems interested in amidst much larger issues such as Ferguson, Israel/Pakistan, and other things of the sort? (Lets also not be so silly. No news authority of any merit would broadcast blog wars between video game crusading feminists and people who supposedly oppose her. And if they did I would lose all respect for them.)

Zoe Quinn, from what I’ve read, is considered a feminist video game designer in the indie gaming field, producing content, getting exposure, living that dream we all strive for. A quick googling of her name, and you are met with articles that sound more or less like this:

“Poor defenseless video game designer gets attacked for being a woman”
“4chan and internet trolls at it again!”
“Woman ostracized from gaming because silly ex decides to post dirty laundry all over the internets”

At first glance, it is gleaned from these articles that she is one more victim of internet bullying. A strong capable woman creating a video game about something that has been on everyone’s mind as of late: Depression. The suicide of Robin Williams is something some people are still trying to cope with, and a woman going out there and creating a game that tries to address the issue of depression and raise awareness about it is a thing to be admired. The fact she even released the game FOR FREE after Robin William’s suicide seems like such a noble cause. She is truly a compassionate and caring human being, with strong ideals and a good sense about her.

Her biggest exposure on the internet seems to stem from being bullied online. We all have heard the terror stories of those darned channers attacking and harassing any girl gamer out there who happens to be “in the bizz”. These internet assholes just decided to zero in on her with a raid and make her another countless victim of their abuse.

No.
Wrong.
SO very wrong.

What makes this so so wrong? The entire story is never told. People are only seeing the tale of the poor woman being harassed, and fail to dig any deeper. What about the perpetrators of these heinous acts?

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The “Trolls” and the “Raid” they carried out.

“My days grow indistinguishable from one another. An old and tired mind stuck in a young man’s body, ready to hang his coat up and kick off his boots.”

– A terrible monster of a troll

 

In order to understand the absolute fallacy of this so called “raid”, you need only understand the supposed attackers — wizards. No, I am not referring to the Hat and Robe sort. The term ‘wizard’ has recently earned a new definition; that to describe people so fed up with the world that they have decided to shut themselves up from it, swear off women, and to live a sexless and solitude life. Sometimes this is of their own choosing, but most of the time these “wizards” feel a victim of the world they are forced to be a part of. They suffer from depression, social anxiety, and low self esteem. A strong comparison can be drawn from Japan’s Hikikimori, young men pulled into a severe depressive and solitary state because they feel they are inadequate and different from the rigid norms forced upon them by the strict and polite Japanese society. They can’t see themselves living as businessmen, instead drawing into themselves and their rooms, leaving only when absolutely necessary.

The young men suffering this self inflicted fate have absolutely no desire to interact with your or me, and are quite frightened of the idea of calling someone on the phone. To assume these people are capable of pulling off any sort of raid is laughable.

Yet, Zoe tries her hardest to do just that. Her proof? A mere two or three posts on an image board mentioning her name, her photograph tacked on it. While the content of these two screenshots are quite disrespectful, at one point calling her a “cunt”, the fact remains that it was a topic on an imageboard only populated by these “wizards”. No one attacked this woman and posted fanatically about it on the board. No one hacked her. No one ordered 200 pizzas to her address. It was merely someone complaining on an unpopular site and someone creating drama out of it.

The thing about an anonymous image board is the fact that you cannot discern one poster from another. Who is to say these posts were not a setup to create drama? Accuse someone of raiding you, of being a victim of misogynistic men, and immediately you will get exposure in this age of internet feminism. You may think its kind of far fetched to just accuse someone of setting a raid up purely for PR. The other incidences mentioned in my rant may make it seem more plausible.

But more on that later.

As to the other evidence of the raid, Zoe claims she was harassed by phone calls to her cell.

“Those dudes got my phone number and jerked off into my phone. That’s hardly harmless or “just douchey”

  – Zoe

 

If this were true, I would most certainly say she experienced some harassment at the hands of trolls.

But the people she is accusing of doing this barely leave their own rooms for any length of time, much less call anyone. The people who style themselves “wizards” are usually too scared of social contact to even go to the doctors for a medical problem. How could they ever muster enough energy or confidence to jerk off over the phone?

More than likely, someone else randomly decided to troll her cell. It happens. But the more plausible explanation, based on Zoe’s character, is that she is flat out LYING about the whole ordeal for PR. It may seem bold of me to say this, but evidence of her character make it highly likely that this is all a stunt.

But..whatever. This is not the ultimate reason this whole “wizard” debacle is so awful to me. The back and forth between this secluded group of hermits and that group of pro-Quinn fans is not something that concerns me all that much.

Its the hypocrisy of it all.

Quinn’s new video game. The one she’s apparently falsifying raids for (among other things) is a game that attempts to address the issue of Depression. The fact that she is trampling on a group of socially terrified, depressed shut-ins in order to gain attention goes against what she is attempting to address in the first place! The character of the game experiences the same melancholy and hopelessness as the wizards, but without a care in the world Zoe has no problem allowing her fans to harass these people. Since those initial screenshots there hasn’t been any attempt by a Wizard to “attack” Zoe. In fact the only thing any of these recluses have attempted was to proclaim their innocence and defend themselves. But because her fans only care about what she has to say, it all falls on deaf ears. No. THEY are the bad guys. They came to HER websites and attacked her. It can’t possibly be the other way around. Oh no.

These are the people you should be marketing to. These are the individuals that may get the most out of a game like this. And they were accused and harassed merely because someone who has a little pull around the indie development scene decided to pick the smallest fish for their feigned harassment.

As said previously, perhaps it seems like a huge stretch to assume that Zoe made it all up on a whim. Who am I, anyways, to blatantly call her a liar without anything to back it up? It may even seem like I am simply siding with the “trolls” on this. But there is some evidence that, while not outright proving the concept of this being one big fabrication, does show the type of personality this person exhibits when away from her glorious spotlight, lending substance to the idea of her lying. To illustrate this, we move onto “bad guy” number two.

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The “Misogynistic Boyfriend”

“..Seriously, you really don’t want to trust Zoe Quinn.”

                                                                                      — the ex-boyfriend

 

After the “Wizardgate” debacle, a new voice came forward to offer a fair warning to anyone in contact with Zoe Quinn — her ex. A long blog entry was created. Accusations were thrown. Screenshots were included. The world gasped. (Not really.)

Not unlike countless others who read the initial revelations on this blog post, I shrugged to myself. “Okay, so she slept with a couple of men who may or may not have had an influence on how her game was perceived to the gaming community. So what? Hoes gotta hoe.” I didn’t see the big fuss, really. Guys do it all the time, don’t they? And should a chick’s sexual infidelity have any merit on the media she puts out to the public at large? Does what she do behind closed doors really matter? Was this just the story of a relationship gone sour?

More or less, yes.

The big “to do” with the community really wasn’t the fact that she had slept with five men. It was the fact that some of those men were pretty high up on the ladder of some popular (popular, not influential.) gaming journalism websites. Some saw this as her using her womanly ways to wiggle her way up the popularity ladder. Zoe, after all, needed support for her game to be accepted on “Steam Greenlight”, so she could begin selling it on Steam. What better way to get some much needed exposure than to sleep with a writer who would inevitably write praise for her project?

(As an aside; I’m not going to bash the concept. Personally I think its a very good concept that SHOULD be tackled in interactive media in some way. The attempt is an honorable one, regardless of the little drama going on behind the scenes. I am also not going to assume that the praising review was written just because she slept with the writer. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t. Maybe that effected the review. How do I know? Thats not for me to discuss here. If her sexual powers did effect that review, however, it has QUITE ALOT to say about contemporary gaming journalism, doesn’t it?)

As for me? Whatever. I don’t read that particular site. I don’t intend to even play the game. It doesn’t concern me.

What really grinds MY gears in this particular fiasco is the clear representation of her character and the hypocrisy exhibited there. Apparently Zoe initially presented herself as a woman with strongly held beliefs when meeting up with her now ex. She made a point to preach transparency in a relationship, spoke about the absurdity of cheating on a loved one. Even equating it to rape. She also spoke of being responsible and honest, and never hiding the truth from a loved one. This strong sense of character is what drew the ex to Quinn. They got along quite well, it seemed.

And then she completely contradicted everything she promised to her boyfriend.

I am not going to go through that whole drama here as it is not my place to do so. (There will be links for those inclined to some extended reading.)

It was the typical relationship gone sour: Lying, distrust, cheating and avoiding. Big deal. Like I never heard of those stories before.

But what it all eventually boiled down to (for me) was this: When these two love birds decided to try and work out their problems, it seemed Zoe cared more for the limelight than her significant other’s feelings. She didn’t want to come clean. She didn’t care to work the details out over the internet with her significant other. Why?

Because there would be a record!

How can someone who preaches honest and responsibility be so very callous and uncaring to someone she loved so much? How can you set yourself so very high on a pedestal and proceed to fling poo down on the lookers on? How can you care more about that sparkling spotlight than the one who chooses to love you?

What is most telling about all of this is the sheer amount of lying that went on to cover up her own mistakes, as well.

This awful attitude. This obsession with celebrity. It speaks volumes of her character.

When stacked up against “Wizardgate”, does it then seem so farfetched to assume that this same person would be willing to lie and cheat to get what they ultimately want? Celebrity? If someone is capable of lying about something as personal as a relationship, how could they not be more than capable to fabricate a shoddily attempted “raid” claim in hopes of bringing attention to her “plight”, and ultimately her game?

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The Further reaching consequences of such actions.

Let us assume all of this is true for a moment.

• What does her actions say about the things she represents?

Is it not hypocritical that someone noted as a popular feminist uses the very tactics women are trying to keep away from to get forward in her career? For how long has the female gender had the general stereotype plastered above their heads that they only get anywhere in a career by sleeping with the big men with power? Images of scantily clad secretaries dance in my mind. Oh the ass grabbing.

I think that is what the whole “she’s making feminists look bad!” comes from. Its not the act in itself, but the perception she is putting out there for the gender. There is no doubt in my mind that there, indeed, is alot of sexism going on in gaming. I am not talking about the industry itself, (In terms of character design/representation/etc.) but the gamers. Whether doing it for their own enjoyment or for the fact that they truly think that way, alot of hardcore gamers feel women are the very thing Zoe made herself out to be; a sham. I’m not going to sit here and say she set the whole “movement” back, however. I honestly don’t think any progress has been made on that front to begin with, and it will be quite a long time before we truly see any kind of change in the gaming community. That will only happen with time, and the eventual changing face of the gamer.

But her actions certainly didn’t help anyone, and makes the idea of feminism in gaming look ridiculous to anyone outside of it. It cheapens the whole thing, true or not.

• What do these events say about gaming culture as a whole?

Really? I’m not surprised. When hasn’t this happened, really? In what career are you not going to find the opportunist looking for some easy game? Clinton? Tiger Woods? Anthony Weiner?

There will always be someone using their power to get a little sumthin’ sumthin’.

Yea thats all I pretty much have to day about it. Not surprising. Oh, Kotaku? Not surprising.

It makes video game journalism look bad, either way. Say what you want about the other sites, I have yet to hear of any naughty sexscapades going on behind closed doors and aired out like stinky gym shorts.

Bottom line: to me its just downright annoying that this type of heinous behavior is happening in gaming. While I think its a brilliant and wonderful thing that practically anyone with a little know-how and elbow grease can produce a game that can sell and evolve interactive media in a way not seen before, the level of immaturity on display here is just..embarrassing! Maybe I am a little uneducated? Does this type of thing happen in the independent film business? Are indie directors running around screwing Entertainment Tonight writers in hopes of getting their film a little recognition? Again. Wouldn’t be surprised. But at least indie film has a level of class and sophistication to it. They hand out Oscars to those people, for Pete’s sake.

And now we talk of Phil Fish.

Although I didn’t delve as deep into this person and how he coincides with this whole scandal, I do know the man is about as adult as a 12 year old going apeshit in ‘Generic FPS dujour’. He was one of many who came to Zoe’s aide in her hour of need. He defended her honor, insulting and hating on the same community he relied on for his own fame and popularity. I want you to imagine a barely-at-puberty voice cracking as it reaches full volume, shooting out expletives to anyone that dares defy them. That is essentially Phil Fish. That is an adult.

“Absolutely pathetic, ball-less manboobs”

                                                — The divine maturity of an acclaimed developer

 

This is an ACCLAIMED DEVELOPER, I said. And he acts like the very trolls he hates so much. When you are attached to words like “acclaimed” and “award winning”, I would imagine you need to at least try out and air of maturity. Spielberg didn’t throw a tantrum every time the giant mechanical shark failed to work. He just dealt with it and moved on, creating an amazing movie. Turning lemons into lemonade. But not this guy. And ontop of all his immature remarks and troll-tier douchery, he manages to have a hissy-fit and cancel development on the one thing that may have made all his ranting and raving worthwhile: Fez 2.

Now I am not saying I honestly care either way, as I have yet to play Fez. But this person acts like he is performing genocide in punishment for how the community at large treated him. He fails to understand that inevitably, something better will come along. This person and that game will be forgotten. Your rage will be for nothing. Congratulations. Good job. You cut off that nose to spite that face, good sir.

I can’t name anyone on this earth who would want a foul-mouthed, meme spouting asshat defending them against negative press, deserving or not.

But enough on that.

The point I am trying to make is that these people are representing the fields they are in, and they’re making it easier  and easier for the general public to think what they assumed was true all along: That gaming is for kiddies.

Here is a golden opportunity, where people can begin seeing games as a form of art and not just an overly expensive toy to placate and babysit a spoiled child. There now exists independent news, independent game creation. People are stretching the medium to new heights, using it as a way to tell stories and address problems like they were never addressed before. The focus is shifting ever so slightly away from big budget studios, and people are legitimately looking at independent development as a real and worthwhile thing. The larger global shift from big budget to independent is overall an amazing achievement in my mind. The idea that you and I do not need a studio, a record producer, a corporation, to promote our work and our passions is a truly inspiring thing! No middle man here! You’re good at what you do, so we recognize you for it. Thats the dream of anyone who strives to be creative. No elbow rubbing. No favoritism. Just the creator and their work, and any fame you get from it being purely your own.

These people, these immature people. they’re stomping all over that idea, making a mockery of it. Concerning themselves more with the limelight and their own personal gain than the bigger picture. If this medium is ever going to be respected on a large scale, people like this need to be chastised for their immaturity. Whether thats a firing or a scandal, its not for me to decide. But this type of behavior needs to be reigned in. Children should not be in charge of things they don’t have the intellect to understand or appreciate.

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Natalie sources and extended reading:

An alternate point of view, for good measure

The Wizard’s story. The whole fiasco for your personal consumption

The ex’s story.

FYI: what is Hikikimori?

 

Natalie Rants about “The Anthony Cumia incident”

As a longtime listener of the Opie and Anthony show, I was quite annoyed when I learned Anthony had gotten fired. I didn’t really know how to react. I wanted to do..something! So I ranted. What I wrote has no substance really, but its how I felt at the time. I wrote a good chunk, and although I really don’t care as much anymore as I did when I initially wrote this, it would be a shame to throw it in the recycle bin just because I didn’t end up editing it in any capacity. So..here! Verbal puke on the internets!

———-

Regardless of how you feel about racism and prejudice in this world, what happened to Anthony of the Opie and Anthony show was wrong. Bottom line. Free speech is not inclusive to things we as a society wholly agree with. If someone has an opinion and rants about it on a public forum, it still needs to be protected.

Why?

Because this is America damnit~!

What if we all disagreed with whatever was unpopular in the 20s? the 60s? Women wouldn’t be able to vote. Segregation would still be a thing.

I know its ridiculous to compare these life altering, society changing events to a 50 year old man ranting angrily on twitter, but back then these feelings felt as wrong and bad as his reaction to what happened felt today.

I am not going to sit here and say what he wrote was right, that we as a society are gaining any insight into a better living because he used what amount to crass racism and sexism over twitter, but its the principal of the thing. What a boring society to only have access to things we all agree with. How vanilla. I do not agree with how Anthony thinks, but I was able to build my opinion on these issues a little better because I was able to get a sampling of “the other side” through what he said.

It had gotten less about the funny and more about his bitterness to the white/black argument as the years went by, no denying that.

I remember in 2008/07 when racism was only brought up as a side joke. (and even further back to K-rock when ‘The inappropriate bell’ was used regularly. But that was FM of course.) It was merely side comments, things like that. But as Obama came to be the president, and especially after the Zimmerman thing, Anthony’s true opinion about race started to come more into the spotlight. The man could rant about how he felt for hours on end if Opie and Jimmy left him to do his own devices. This was especially prevalent when the issue of assault weapon bans following the Newtown shooting came into light. The rants about gun culture and “urban youths” was so in your face that it got to the point of Opie being just tired of it. Bored, actually is the better word. I was bored too.

While I agree with the idea of being able to own a gun legally and NOT banning weapons in America, the way this guy used the banning of assault weapons to include a racial argument kind of soured my opinion towards his views.

However.

Regardless of my views on this, you still need to talk about these things. Even if its unpopular opinion. These types of issues are deemed controversial and they are something that needs dialogue on both sides of the fence. Anthony stood as a spokesperson for the more conservative, differing opinion on things than the norm. Its not a bad thing to think differently, is it? Can’t someone have an opinion these days without fearing a loss of job because of it?

The Morality clause, and the First Amendment:

A big argument that comes into play when discussing a corporate entity firing an outspoken person is the concept of the morality clause. Its true what they say: A corporation has a right to restrict what you can say on the internet/in public places if they think what you say can damage the brand theyre trying to sell. Its a privately owned place of business. If I owned a business, and my employee decided to walk around downtown talking about views I disagree or controversial statements, I have a right to fire this person, especially if what they say can have an impact on my business.

And as to the First amendment, I know that this piece of our constitution only applies to how the government responds to our speech.

However I still believe silencing someone when they are speaking on their own private social media platform is still wrong, and goes against everything this First Amendment is supposed to do; allow you to speak your mind. Too often now adays people are so quickly fired for saying something that goes against a company’s standard issue opinion. If something is even slightly deemed as offensive, the person loses their job regardless of context or how the person got to the point in the discussion.

The point I am trying to make is: What ticks me off most is that SiriusXM’s biggest sell up to this point was the idea of truly uncensored content. Up to this point SiriusXM stood by this claim, as well. For years the Opie and Anthony show have joked and discussed topics not seen as normal opinion. Everything was fair game, and every manner of subject matter was discussed, mocked, laughed at, whatever. Did Sirius ever unplug the show during these on-air discussions? Absolutely not.

—

 

I know I was to make a point after this part, but I don’t contain the passion I had beforehand to figure it out. Haha. Bottom line is: Unconventional speech should still be protected speech, regardless of whether a morality clause or contractual obligation is in place. I know businesses have a responsibility to protect their brand, but they should know what they’re getting themselves into when they willingly hire a radio duo well known for being controversial. If your selling point is that its truly uncensored radio, dont turn around and censor somebody because they spoke wrongly on social media. It feels hypocritical.

 

Natalie Rants about Dreaming: The ridiculousness of the dream dictionary.

I was going to write about anonymity, the idea of it..but eh. Topical, you say? Current, you suggest?

Beh. My mind is on dreams now. Rant or not, its something I want to talk about.

Since I was young, I have been recording my dreams. I don’t know why. Maybe I always had vivid ones and I felt the need at a young age to write them down. My earliest memory of a dream was typical for a kid, having a fun run around a zoo with some cartoon characters. Before I woke up, my last memory was of me in my bed staring into a shaft of light on the ground, where all of my little dream friends of the previous night stood. “You can come back and play with us whenever you like!” they told me. Did this stick with me? Regardless, still to this day the idea of dreaming and “the dream world” has held significance. I can flip through my dream journals, read my past adventures, and the memory of it comes back to me as if it was something I experienced in the waking world.

Some people attribute the idea of dreams to something mystical. As someone who has perused forums on the subject, you always find some psychic wannabe thinking that they can predict the end of the world with their dreams. Some think demons come to you while you sleep to curse you and fill your mind with evil thoughts. Some people believe you can even dream -with- another person, like a two player video game. There are even others who will drop hard earned cash on dream dictionaries to attempt to divine their destiny through arbitrary meanings attached to objects.

It seems to me all of that is just over reaction. Dreams to me are not magical, alternate realities that exist on another plane. They’re  just…dreams. Its all psychological in the end, don’t you think? Never doubt what your mind is capable of, after all. Your brain is literally a sponge, soaking up all that you see and experience, and throwing it back to you in puree form. Recording my dreams isn’t just to have a cool adventure to read on a boring day and say “Hey! I experienced that!”, either. I really think dreams can also show a deeper inner you, an unfiltered and honest opinion of what you truly feel about the world around you.

For example, for as long as I remember, I have been dreaming about my old childhood home. I haven’t lived in that house since I was in high school, yet so often I find myself in that familiar little house. Usually these dreams involve the usual fare: a weird plot, or a transformation of the house into something it isn’t. Maybe the layout changes, or I wake up in my old bedroom and there are vines everywhere. When it comes to one room, however, the results are always the same. As soon as I go into the cellar of that house, things become…spooky. There is always ghosts prowling around, being scary and making my night a very negative and dark one! Also, alot of sad things happen in that house too. Nothing emotional, just gory. Death and murder and stuff like that.

Did anything happen in that house that was super bad? No. I could say my childhood was alright. A murder perhaps? No, not that either. Who know, maybe I was afraid of the cellar? There was also a time when that house was, infact, haunted. (Take that however you want, but I do have a tale or two that can be quite convincing!) Am I reliving that experience in my mind? Is it the dead calling me back to that underground room?  I dream about that house all the damn time,so it seems like it must be something important.

Depending on how one looks at a dream, you could interpret my repetitive dream sign in a numerous amount of ways.

For a laugh, let me pop online and look at what a couple dream dictionary-styled sites say about dreaming of old houses! No, lets be more specific: dreams about a childhood home’s basement

http://www.realmeaningofdreams.com/dreams-about-houses.html
“Basement: This could represent your unconscious and subjects suppressed through your inability to handle them.”

And another. Oh! This one mentions haunted homes!
http://psychiclibrary.com/beyondBooks/house-dreams
“…if the room looks odd or scary, it could be a premonition of some unpleasant dreams to come…”

Ah, this one is a doozy!
http://www.auntyflo.com/dream-dictionary/basement
“If you dream that you are in a basement of a house, and even if in your dream the basement visit was an unpleasant experience it means that you’re going to find prosperous opportunities. By association this dream may also represent that your fears are well founded and it is important to act now in regards to any affairs concerning the heart”

So, by a small percentage of what others are saying about my dreaming of a very particular basement, not only am I in for some prospering times, but I am also  suppressed emotionally and have problems handling things..

..really? I thought my house was just a little haunted back in the day.

While I do agree that psychology plays a major role in dreaming, I do not think I can open a book or click on a website and find the inner me by listening to what others say about me. Its…ridiculous. If I listened to these meanings, I need to not only seriously consider therapy, but also buy up all the lotto tickets in the state. Thats not how you run a life.

Dreams are all based on the individual, and their meaning can only be divined at inside yourself. I don’t think I am emotionally damaged, no more than I think I am going to win the lottery tomorrow. Does one reoccurring dream really have that much power of my life and future? I just grew up in a house that had a haunted experience in it and I keep returning to that as a setting for my more creepier dreams. This is a prime example of why dream dictionaries are ridiculous. What does some lady in Iowa who claims to speak to the spirit world know about my life and what I went through? How can they possibly know what that basement meant to me in a personal sense and tell me how my life will be shaped by dreaming about it? More importantly, why do people need someone that claims to be an expert on the subject telling them how to go about living? Why do we crave security where none can be given?

If you truly want to know you, (and not just whether you will win the lottery..) just record your dreams in some form. Write it in a blog, a journal, somewhere. Record every detail. Use it as a tool for self critique. If you look at how you react to certain types of people and places in your dream, you can see the inner you. The subconscious mind is your brain completely devoid of societal restrictions of thought and conscious. You literally have free reign to do whatever you want in your mind without any type of repercussions. By studying how your subconscious works in the remarkable situations your mind puts itself in, you can evaluate yourself, see where your weaknesses lie,  face your fears and solve your prejudices. I think really studying that can be important to seeing the bigger picture of your life.  Self reflection in its purest of forms, and much more valuable in the long term than predicting your next whirlwind romance.. (Also, you know…cool story ideas.)

But please…please. Save your money. Do not buy a dream dictionary. You’re not going to see your future in your own subconscious. Your dreams can’t predict your future anymore than you can in your waking life.

 

Natalie Rants about how wonderful Windows 8 actually is and how ANNOYING (FFFF!!!) HP is

I recently got a new laptop!

And with a new laptop almost always comes the experience of a new operating system. We all don’t buy laptops every couple of years, after all. I was “fortunate” to have bought my last laptop in 2008: The year of the dreaded Vista OS. I had heard the rumors. How it stunk, lagged, forced administrative decisions upon you every day for no reason other than downloading a program. But I got used to it. I stuck it out. I lasted 5 years with that sluggish OS, and by the time it was time to get a new one it was at the point where I finally understood why people hated it so much. So….slow….

But now, here I am again. New Laptop. New OS. Same problem. People complaining.

I am here to say NO! This OS is fantastic! (But if you don’t have a touch screen, I feel for you.)

I can not IMAGINE using Windows 8 without a touch screen or tablet. The amount of scrolling and right-clicking you would have to do would hurt your fingers. And with Windows 8.1 out, having multiple apps running side by side would be a headache. How would you pull the app from the left of your screen? Can you even do that? How on earth do you access your apps/program start menu? Is there a special button combination for that on a keyboard??

For a touch screen, however, it is so very intuitive. It just makes sense. You can do everything you want with a wave of the finger. If I have my cat to the right of me, blocking my mouse? I can pet my cat AND browse the internet at the same time by touching the screen. (That in itself is an award winning feature.)

The ‘people’ app packaged with the OS puts facebook, twitter, and other social sites into one clean-cut, fancy looking area. The new search function on Windows 8.1 searches your computer, the internet, EVRY DANG THANG for what you’re looking for. Theres news, weather, and other such apps available for your start menu, so you can always stay well informed. Also. Games. Free games. Its just..glorious.

However, I do see some issues:

-Do not eat cheetos while playing on your laptop (No I don’t didn’t do this…but I totally wouldn’t)
-Theres no way to add other ‘social’ sites onto the ‘people’ category. You’re limited to what Windows thinks is the ‘thing’ everyone is using. What if I would like to see how my Deviantart account is doing? And what if Twitter/Facebook stops being the “it” thing. Could you imagine if you had a permanent link to Myspace on your laptop?
-Sometimes these swipes can be a little confusing, and you feel the need to use the mouse. I have to swipe right..AND down if I want to just delete a tab? (I would prefer if I didn’t ever feel the need of a mouse. If the OS is so good, I shouldn’t even NEED to grab for that.) Maybe this is that beginners curve, however.
– I feel FORCED into using IE. I put firefox as my default browser, as I love it, but it automatically directs me to IE when jumping from an app to the internet. Same for searching. It automatically uses Bing. I don’t mind Bing. Its a nice web browser. But I am not a fan of IE.
-No iTunes app for most obvious of reasons. Sad :[

So, yes, if buying a Windows 8 laptop, you’re a little pigeon-holed into Microsoft endorsed ‘apps’ if you want to feel the full Windows 8 experience. I AM glad they have the desktop still there, so that if I really really want to use my Firefox I easily can, but I feel removed from the experience of Windows 8. I have the opinion I shouldn’t have to feel isolated for using what I like.

I think maybe more customization, at least in terms of web browsers, would’ve been great. But I can see why that would be complicated to do. (I can understand why iTunes isn’t available. We don’t want Steve Jobs rolling around in his grave.)

Windows 8 is great…but HP as a company has greatly annoyed me.

I love my laptop, don’t get me wrong.

But is it necessary to give me all these apps I won’t need?

Windows 8 has a music menu. It has a games store. It even has Windows media player for DVD playing and the like. Why, HP, would you then put in your versions of this? Do you hope I will be dumb enough to get sucked into your shiny WildTangent game app and begin forking over money to you in exchange to play, of all things, Bejeweled? And sure, HP Connected Music seems like a really nifty music service…for 90 days. After 90 days I have to pay for that crap?! AND! DRM? DRM REALLY!?

And don’t even get me started on Cyberlink. I am not a movie director. I do not need a DVD maker that takes up 1gig of space.

Ugh.

All of these programs shipped with this laptop has reasonable, free equivalents available online. Just give me your excellent laptop and shush up. Be happy I have picked to stay with you for 5 years, and not some other company.

Anyways….

I love my new Laptop. I love Windows 8. But HP.. you need to improve upon how you ship your products. I dealt with Dell for most of the time I’ve been on the internet, and even though they had their own programs they put into their laptops (as I am sure most average computer companies do), none felt as intrusive or forced upon the customer as these HP apps. And the Dell programs were free whether I used them or not. I will not be tricked into dishing out more money!

Natalie Rants about child rearin’ in today’s “modern society”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/08/long-island-ball-ban_n_4065353.html

Stories like this irk me to no end. A child gets suspended for making a fake gun out of his fingers. A school bans balls because of the threat of injuries a plastic ball could give if thrown at a particular speed and angle. Traditional holidays are banned from school settings simply because a few children do not participate in them. When and if I have a child, here are a couple of things that are going to happen:

My child will have scraped knees, bruises, and even a broken limb or two:

Injuries build character! A bruise or a cut is a lesson that not everything you try will pan out how you like, that there is risk in the world and consequences for running around like a dumb ass. Hey, you made an attempt of rappelling off the roof. Good for you. Sure you lost a finger, but thats the risk involved with being brave and testing new waters. You need to accept the idea of consequences as a normal occurrence in life. And if you do scrape your knees trying something new, so what? Just keep trying. Just don’t let me catch you on that roof again or there will be more than just a lost finger to worry about!

If my kid is ever placed in a school where things like running, cartwheeling, and ball playing is banned, they WILL be relocated to another school. Playing is part of childhood. You need to be able to run around and be adventurous while you can, and sometimes a kid will only get to do that while in a recess environment. Taking that away from them is taking away what it means to be young. Also, you know…obesity? Aren’t we all trying to raise a fit child now adays? I don’t think “standing in the recess yard staring at the concrete” is going to burn alot of calories.

My child will shun hand sanitizers:

Germs are real and we need to accept that. When I was a kid, it was normal to have the flu, to catch a cold, to have a sore throat. What about building up that immunity? The body can’t adjust to illness if there is a giant alchohol-scented shield surrounding them. I would rather my kid get sick and build up their immunity than have a child that needs to live in a plastic bubble their entire lives. Thats what we’re doing when we force children into using hand sanitizers. We’re putting them into a little hamster cage, too afraid to see them with a runny nose.
I’m not saying ‘Yay influenza!’, but a cold or sore throat is normal!

Have you, as a child, ever run through one of those cheap carnival haunted houses, or played in a ball pit? Don’t you remember that filthy and disgusting film those places would have on their walls and moving objects? The grimy stickiness of plastic balls as you swam through them? The clammy dampness of that pleather punching bag? I went through these things, and don’t recall getting sick. I was literally running a germ gauntlet, and not a single sniffle. If a child can go through a bacteria infested place like that and be fine, a little close contact with germs at school isn’t going to kill them. It will only grow them stronger. More resilient!

I also don’t want to raise a wimpy kid who gets scared if they touch a doorknob. I’ve never heard of anyone getting ill or dieing from touching a germy surface, so I don’t see the need to force a child to constantly sanitize when in a school environment.

Not only that, but you’re teaching a kid that the world is a dangerous, sickness provoking world and they are not safe in it. Not without a tube of scented alcohol, anyway!

My child will be exposed to “violent” cartoons:

When I was younger, I used to watch Looney Tunes and all those cartoons that now are considered too “violent”. Who could’ve thought that eating Dynamite and having your tummy explode would be an aspect of cartoons taken seriously? Do we think our child will go out and find TNT and try to emulate their favorite character?

Have parents not realized that a child can just as easily discern fantasy from reality as an adult? If this was not the case we’d have squealing toddlers throwing tantrums that they can’t actually visit Sesame street, or 8 year olds miffed that mommy won’t buy them a real life Pokemon for their birthday. Theres a clear line between fantasy and reality that even little children can understand. It is why storytelling in general is so popular. We know its fake, and we allow ourselves to escape into these fantasy worlds as a form of stress relief. Or maybe we (Gee!) just like a good story.

If your child thinks he can (again) rappel off your rooftop because Batman did it, there is something more than a little television rotting you child’s brain. Those people who can’t discern reality from fantasy? Thats what we call CRAZY.

Its the same argument as to why video games breed killers, which was the same argument to explain why comic books created psychopaths. Its okay to be interested in a little escapist media. it will not turn your brain to mush. You will not wake up one day and think you are the Batman. Your child’s knowledge of physics and gravity will not be altered by a flying man in red and blue spandex. Your kid, also, DOES INFACT know that wearing a cape doesn’t make you fly. And if they are confused on these little details TALK TO THEM! That why you’re there. To straighten out any confusion their little brains may have.

As to Looney Tunes in general, I can not see a generation growing up without being exposed to what is considered classic, golden age animation. The height of cartooning excellence! I want my kids to appreciate Tom and Jerry for the artistry of it, not just for the humor!

The exploding stomachs are fun too.

My child will not be rewarded merely for existing:

When I was in elementary school, there was a reading competition. We all had to read books the entire year, and the student who read the most would get a special little plastic medallion proclaiming their awesomeness.

When it was time to announce the winners, all the students at the elementary school got a little ribbon for their necks, but the top readers got those sparkling shining medals.

And I was sooo pissed I didn’t get one.

Was I upset? Did I feel dumb? Yes! Is it wrong to expose your child to these negative feelings? Absolutely not. It makes them want to try harder, to do better. It teaches them that you don’t become a champ just for existing. You may be sunshine and angel wings in your mother’s eyes, but you’re just another bum to the world at large. And thats how it needs to be, as that is how it is in the real world. You need to teach a child that the world will not open its golden gates on a whim simply because you step forward. You need to get a crowbar out and start jamming that sucker open.

Imagine if I had gotten a shiny medallion just for being there! Maybe I would feel special and fuzzy inside for that one moment, but how would I be learning anything from that? Rather than teaching me that hard work pays off, it would be like getting a Happy Meal toy. No hard work. No trying. Just eat your burger and play with this cheap plastic and smile. No lessons. I have a sparkling piece of plastic. Go me.

In summation.. (TL;DR)

It seems we want to put our children in a plastic bubble of sunshine, happiness, and antibacterial hand soap. They can’t get hurt, or dirty, or sad, and if they feel like this even slightly, society deems we are doing a bad job.

But in reality the world is dirty, and grimy, and full of bitter people. Why place them in a bubble when, as a parent, its your job to prepare them for that griminess, if that griminess presents itself? Parents around the world want only the best for their kid. They want them to succeed, to never feel the way we felt, to never feel rejected or lost or sad. But the truth is none of us really know what kind of future a child will have. Maybe they will luck out, be motivated, become a CEO. But if they fail and fall and lose, will they be able to cope with that? Can they be happy with failure?

It is possible to be happy in all situations. But you have to equip a child with the tools to be happy. And that doesn’t require coddling, sanitizing, back-patting. It requires teaching them about the value of hard work, of persistence, of endurance.

And exploding stomachs full of TNT.

Girlfriend 101 (How to successfully unlock girlfriend achievement)

HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND (from someone who is constantly seeing people doing it wrong):

1.) Be concerned of appearances (but only if your appearance bothers you)

1a.)Shampoo is your friend!

 
Women do not like it if you smell funny, forgo shampoo, or refuse to do basic body grooming. If perhaps you are the sort who likes their hair longer, be prepared to treat your hair as if you were an actual female. You walk a deadly path if you’re a male who thinks shampooing once a week with shoulder length hair is acceptable. You only end up looking like a greasy drug dealer. Long hair is a responsibility, not a privilege.

As to how you smell when you open your mouth to talk? Toothpaste. Brush two times a day. For two minutes. Its 4 minutes out of your day. God.

1b.) Perhaps a cologne?

 
You can be the smelliest fool on the planet, but as long as you bathe regularly and spritz a nice cologne on once and a while, no one will notice. But remember: Cologne is not instant-girl attraction spray. We are not deer in the woods sniffing for the perfect scent. We just like to be able to smell something pleasant when close to you. Dial soap smells way better than Body odor, FYI.

Also no: 9 times out of 10, a girl HATES the smell of Axe. Wear Axe body spray if you want me to feel like a pedophile. It is the odor of preteen boys and highschoolers. Spend a little extra dosh and buy a nice cologne.

1c.) If you are an unshapely mess of a man, consider exercise.

I’m not saying ladies will shun you if you have a tummy. Some chicks actually don’t care what shape you are! But if you feel low in the self esteem department because of your pudge, be serious about your health and hit the gym. Women don’t care if you’re fat usually, but they will care if the person they’re interested in is harping on how much they hate themselves for being fat. Confidence is important to finding girls! If you’re not confident on how YOU look, how do you think a woman will perceive you? Ever see a fat pudgey guy get a woman? Want to know why? Because he’s -confident- in his shape.

Either be confident, or exercise. You will fail otherwise.

2.) Confidence, positivity, courteousness

These go a long way. Want to know why? because there are too many idiots in the world.

2a) Confidence

Its easy to be confident for most, but if you already have a low self esteem of yourself, chicks will notice. Every conversation with you shouldn’t always be a complaint about yourself or your life. If you’re complaining and not doing anything about it, you’re only making yourself out to be a whiner without gumption. Chicks love gumption. A man willing to change what bothers him about himself is a man of self responsibility. If you’re writhing in your own self pity, you suck in our eyes. Why would I talk to you when I can just hear that kind of whining from a child?

Don’t know where to start on your own self esteem? Make a list dammit! “My weight bothers me..I hate my job…I need a car” Work on one thing that bothers you at a time. Figure out how to tackle each issue. CHANGE yourself! You’ll feel better about yourself, you’ll drip confidence, and girls can sniff that out from a mile away WAY better than they can smell that disgusting Axe cologne.

This new found confidence in yourself will only breed more….

2b) Positivity.

The world is a crappy place. Everyone knows it. A lady doesn’t want to be reminded of that every conversation. Its fine to talk about world problems if thats the thing we talk about, but don’t always be so doom and gloom. Being positive about yourself AND the world around you is important, because no one wants to be in a relationship where only negativity is drudged up. Be positive not only about yourself, but find positivity in the world too. It does exist, you know!

2c) Politeness.

It is so easy for a guy to be confident, but try and find a guy who is also courteous and polite, and you’re going on a treasure hunt. Is it so hard sometimes to open a door for the person you care about? To hold their hand, to walk next to them, to listen? This makes a girl feel special, which is what you should be trying to do if you’re trying to get with someone! Its not about equal rights, chauvinism, ‘the frail and fragile female’. We want to feel special, and so many times the world kicks a person around. If a lady finds a guy that makes them feel special-er than most, it may be enough to be interested in you.

And honestly, if holding our hand once in a while is too much work to you, maybe you shouldn’t be looking for a woman.

3.) If you blame the world around you for your problems you might as well not even bother.

Don’t blame the world for your problems, or give excuses to how you behave because the world made you that way. No. YOU are the master of your destiny, and if you mess up it is YOUR fault. The world isn’t against you, trying to drag you down. And if you mess up, you are not completely innocent. Take responsibility for your own actions. Life isn’t about luck. Luck may come into play at points in your life, but praying to luck and relying upon it is pathetic. A man of action is a man that looks attractive! I don’t want to date a little girl who cries and whines and blames everyone but herself.

Think about how your actions effect others also. Look at the world as a whole and how you play a role in it. If you are not satisfied about your sitautaion: change it. For some thats easier than others, but if you fail to at least try to change yourself you cannot then blame the world around you for your innability to change. You’re the one who put yourself into that ditch, and you are the one who has to dig themselves out of it.

We all have heard the stories of those in horrible situations rising above their environment and making their life better. Theres no denying that such a thing isn’t possible, then. Theres no excuse to continue on in a way that makes you miserable. Also remember: Someone out there has it worse than you, and they may literally not have the chance or resources to change their situation. If you have the capacity to change your ways, do so. Don’t just lie there expecting for the world to change you.

4.) Trouble finding girls? Find a hobby!

Girls at your workplace look like horses? Women at your school too out of touch with your own interests? Find a hobby! And no, ‘TV’ isn’t a hobby. Neither is ‘drinking’. Drunken flirting is not flirting. I can’t hear your mildly amusing quips over all this bass-filled dance music.

If you like books, join a reading group. If you want to be more active, go to the gym or find a sport you can get into. If you like video games or even anime, you can go to a convention and find fellow weeaboos. The important thing is to GET OUT with your hobby and find like minded people you can converse about your favorite subject with. You won’t find a girlfriend sitting at home behind the safety of your monitor. Theres a whole world out there for you to see if you just unglued your arse from your chair. This comes back again to self responsibility: change your own destiny. don’t wait for life to change it for you.

HOW NOT TO GET A GIRLFRIEND (signs you may be doing it wrong):

1.)This girlfriend costs $654.00!:

Relationships are not business transactions, and if you’re in that type of relationship where you feel the need to spend endless amounts of money to please a woman you best run for the hills. Do not ever expect to get anything in return if you decide to spend money on someone you might be interested in. We are not hookers. I am not going to love you if we are just friends and you begin buying me expensive things. Infact if I am a smart person I may take advantage of that and use you! Do you want that kind of a relationship in your life? No? Then stop spending money on me dammit!

Too often than not I hear the story of the guy who spent X amount of money to please a girl, and then that guy getting upset that nothing ever came of it. Let me ask you this, men: If I give you 75.00 dollars out of nowhere without any prompts, will you find a way to pay it back, or will you take the money with a quick thank you? If you’re intelligent, you will just take that money. Women are the same way. Anyone in this world would love free things. But, see…they’re free. That means we don’t have to do anything in return. You’re basically just randomly giving gifts. Who in their right mind denies gifts? Not me.

Not to say once you’re in a relationship you can’t spend money. That goes back to that ‘courteous’ thing I was talking about. At that stage, when you’re dating, a girl wants to feel special and appreciates if you pay for dinner once in a while. But don’t start flinging money at us right at the start of things. It only makes you look pathetic.

And that goes back to ‘self confidence’, doesn’t it? If you’re throwing money around you only look desperate. Desperate only reads as ‘creeper’ to a woman. It shows you have no self confidence in yourself. And you know what? It can also offend a woman, and make them feel like this is how you think its supposed to be. Like next thing I know you’ll be expecting me barefoot and pregnant.

No. Just No.

And you know what? Sometimes I might want to pay for things. We do make money too, you know.

2.) “Women are manipulative, vile creatures….tfw no gf ;_;”

If you’re on the internet proclaiming your undying hatred of the disgusting female sex, and find that in real life you can’t catch a break, chances are you’re putting yourself in that position with your twisted opinion. While most people will not read your highschool tier rants and raving, you’re affecting yourself internally when you carry that kind of opinion around with you. Its all about psychology! Think a certain way and you begin to act like its the truth. Hang around with people long enough who have that opinion, and you begin to think thats the only right opinion. Remove yourself from a situation where you begin to see a woman as a monster. Find your own opinion of the opposite sex. And talk to us. We like that.

We aren’t going to throw ourselves at you because you’re there and you’re a guy. If you feel deep down inside that we’re all awful creatures that use and abuse men, you’re going to exude that like a fine cologne.

Women are not animals. We’re just..people. people like you with the same amount of stress and problems and worries. Get off your soap box and accept that. Also, be warned: theres just as many bitchy women out there as there are nice women. But we aren’t all money grubbing users who think you buying us expensive things is romance. Generalizing an entire gender based on a few bad eggs will not get you in a relationship. If thats the case I can easily say all men are sexual predators and join a Nunnery.

Talk to females. You may learn a thing or two about them.

Speaking of which…

3.) I talked to you and you smiled at me THAT MAKES US BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND RITE?

Avoid this one word: Desperation.

If we hit it off with some good conversation, and start talking on the regular, it isn’t an automatic sign that I am interested in you. It may just be that….ohmygod…I might consider you as a friend!

“OMFG FRIENDZONED” you may say. I say ‘shut up the friendzone doesn’t exist and is a ploy for desperate men to continue their pathetic exploits into finding a woman in the most pathetic ways possible’. I want to get to know the man I may end up dating, alright? There should be a reasonable time between “Hi how are you?” and “Yo lets date” where I get to know you as a person. I don’t see a guy and automatically think “Potential boyfriend?”. I want to find out if you’re a stalker or not before thinking of you in a romantic way.

If I start talking to you regularly, it doesn’t mean I want to date you. Stop sending me flowers in the mail. Don’t randomly ask me to places and consider it an automatic “date”. You’re falling into stalker territory, buddy. And stalkers only get jail time, not women.

And you want to know what else? Sometimes we just are not attracted to you. There isn’t a spark there, or we really and truly just want to have you as a friend. It doesn’t mean ZOMGFRIENDZONED. It means you just aren’t attractive to me. Every female is different and different things will attract different people. Somewhere out there is a woman for you. I’m not it. So stop trying to force something that just isn’t there.

And if you feel yourself in a friendship with a female you are attracted to, don’t give up and shun that girl that day forward as someone not to associate with. The best thing about a friendship is they can grow or evolve the more you get to know someone. You’re friends now but who knows? Maybe I get to know you enough where I see you in another light. Not all romance is instant after all. Maybe I just need time.

But that also isn’t an excuse to continually force the issue if you do remain friends with a girl. If you’re constantly saying “GAWRSH your loverly I wish I could ttly date you..but yay friends”, thats just desperate, guy. *I* make the decision of who I like, not you. Reminding me you may have feelings for me won’t flip a switch in my brain that says “date him!”. It just makes you look desperate and, again, creepy. And I don’t hear many stories where a girl starts dating their stalker.

Just be confident, be yourself, and the rest should follow. Also don’t smell. Its not that difficult.